It's Time to Stop Asking for Handouts... No One Owes You Anything

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This is a longer than usual post, and I might actually lose a bunch of "friends" over it.  But it needs to be said.  And, it really needs to be read.
 
I have fought myself on writing this for a while.
Because I didn't want to offend people.
 
But, that just meant that I was offending myself.
 
Which, as it turns out, is just not cool with me.
 
So.  Here goes...
 
 
It's time to stop asking for handouts.
No one owes you anything.
This is your life; start acting like it.
 
Sound harsh?
Well, it's true.
 
No. One. Owes. You. Anything.
 
I know, you had a tough go of it.
Childhood.
Job sucks.
Trauma.
Abandonment.
Broke.
No one believed in you.
You were the black sheep.
I could go on and on.
 
You know why?
 
Because that's life.
We all go through something.  SOMETHING.
 
Does it mean my something was as hard as your something?  Or that your something was as hard as her something?  Or his something?
 
Nope.
 
And guess what?
 
THAT DOESN'T FREAKIN MATTER.
 
Aren't you sick of playing "Who Had it Worse?" and relying on the fact that you went through your version  of "something" as an excuse for why you aren't achieving your goals?
 
Aren't you OOOOOVVVEEERRRRR it yet?
 
Because I am.
I'm done.
 
With your excuses.
With my own.
 
Because that's all they are.
Excuses.
 
 
I know, I know.
 
You're saying "but MY something was so horrible that the rest of my life is just destined to suck and I can never ever ever have what I want because of what happened in my past."
 
Well, I have news for you.
 
 
Your life is going to suck because you've decided it's going to suck.
 
 
You're never going to have what you say you want because what you really want is to stay stuck in your victim mentality, hoping that people feel sorry for you and give you handouts...
 
Rather than picking yourself up, brushing your past off, and DECIDING the course of your life.
 
 
 
Because, Lover, YOU are the one in charge here (well, besides God of course... but, really, He's just waiting on you to decide.).
 
 
 
So, let's say you have a friend who is building a business around her/his mission, soul, and purpose.
 
Is the first thing you ask her/him to do is to "hook you up"?
(Yeah.  I just threw up in my mouth.)
 
Because, let's get real here:
 
You claim to be their friend.
You claim to love them.
You claim to support their dreams.
You claim that you want to see them succeed.
 
But are you showing that?
 
Or are you asking for handouts again?
 
Do you EXPECT that they will train/coach/advise/teach you FOR FREE because you're their "friend"?
 
Do you get OFFENDED when they offer to help you by telling you about their program that can do exactly what it is that you say you so desperately want?
 
Well, if so, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that you're actually NOT their friend.
 
 
 
You're a Taker.
 
 
 
Hmmmmm.....  Wondering if I'm talking about you?
Feeling a bit triggered by this?
 
Well, don't get mad (or, at least, keep reading so that you can hopefully become a better friend in the future and start taking ownership in your life.).
 
 
So, what is a Taker?
 
 
A Taker is someone who expects their friends/loved ones to support them mentally/emotionally/financially/physically and never actually gives back.
 
It's someone who feels that they DESERVE to "get the hook up" because they know you.
 
It's someone who says that they have your back, but really THEY ONLY WANT YOU TO HAVE THEIRS.
 
 
Now, you're probably thinking "But if you're my friend, shouldn't you give me these things/services {that you work your ASS off to build/create} for free?  Because we're cool like that?"
 
Uhhhhh.... no.
 
And not just no, but HELL NO.
 
Why?
 
Because real friends don't expect handouts.
 
Real friends know that friendship is about harmony.  A give AND a take.
 
 
 
Do I have friends to whom I provide my services for free?
 
YUP!
 
 
And why?  Because they give back to me energetically, that's why.
 
It feels good on BOTH sides.
 
We each contribute to our friendship and support and UPLIFT the others' dreams.
 
We never expect a handout.
 
We are truly grateful for each other and give back whenever possible.
 
 
 
OK, so here's how to know if you're a Taker...
 
Whenever you ask your "friend" to meet up or hang out, it's to pick their brain about your business, ask for advice about your relationship, spill your energy all over them, get their guidance on how to create the next strategy for you brand, and on and on and on...
 
 
And, here's the kicker, you never ask them to hang out or talk so that YOU can help THEM do these things.
 
 
It's all one-sided.
 
That, my dear ones, is not friendship.
 
 
And, I don't blame you.  None of us blame you (or well, we shouldn't).
 
Because we ALLOWED it.
 
Oh yes.
 
 
We allowed the one-sided energy suck because we were being supportive.
 
 
(Maybe we even had some of our own stuff to work through on giving and receiving and being everything to everyone.)
 
 
But, then the energy got sticky.
 
We started to get resentful.
 
We started to wonder if this was what it meant to be a visionary, a dreamer, an entrepreneur.
 
That everyone was just going to keep sticking their hand out as we tried to build a business (AKA scratched, clawed, and fought our way towards our dreams).
 
That even though our "friends" knew that you need actual MONEY to run a business, they would all just keep asking for you to help them with the very thing you were trying to create your business around.
 
 
I get it.
 
Maybe you thought it was just you asking for freebies and handout.
 
But, it's not.
 
It's a crap ton of people.
 
People start coming out of the woodwork as soon as they see that you're great at something and trying to build a dream business around it.
 
 
Everywhere you turn, someone is asking you to help them for free (without offering an energetic exchange of any kind in return).
 
And it makes you wonder, if they support you so much and claim that you're so wonderful and amazing and that you're such an inspiration to them.... how exactly do they want you to succeed?
 
On air?
 
On love?
 
On hope?
 
 
 
Because running a business takes actual, you know, MONEY.
 
 
And if the Takers expect you to spend all of your time helping them FOR FREE, tell me how exactly they're being a good friend and/or supporting you?
 
 
So, I for one am done with my Takers.
 
 
Because I am ready for my success.
 
I am no longer available for the life I have been living.
 
I am stepping fully into my genius and into the service of my soulmate clients.
 
 
 
Now, I do not say this in malice or anger.
 
It's because I have to move on.
 
To grow.
 
To uplift the people who value what I offer and are willing to invest in themselves.
 
Because when I'm spending all of my time on the Takers, I don't have the time or energy to help the people who really need my help.
 
Because Takers?
They just TAKE.
 
They very rarely DO anything with all of the advice/help they receive.
 
They just keep on taking and wonder why the world is so cruel and what did they ever do to deserve this...
 
 
So, if you think you might be a Taker, I invite you to become a friend.
 
To give as much as you take...
 
To start OWNING your freakin life...
 
To stop waiting for someone to save you...
 
 
 
 
 
You want to change your life?
 
It starts with your mindset and your attitude.
 
It starts with you deciding to actually take action on the things that you say you want.
 
It starts with you choosing to let go of your past and step into your future.
It starts with you becoming your OWN Hero{ine}.
 
 
So.
 
What do you choose?
 
Taker or Friend?
 
Victim or Hero{ine}?
 
 

As always...

Here's to your Untaming™,

Nikka Karli

BlogNikka Karli