I messed up and it became magic


I'M A CHICKEN SHIT I have a new monthly membership. For spiritual alignment and sensual awakening and vision activation and desire and pleasure and homecoming and Untaming.

And I haven't shared it much.

NOTE: This is not a huge post about the group. I will share all about it later because I am absolutely, hands down, unequivocally, and madly in love with what is being called forth and KNOW it is here to help guide amazing creative visionary goddesses home to their souls. But, that's not why I'm writing today.

Today is about fear.

Today is about staying too long where your soul no longer wants to be.

Today is about the all-consuming and egoic need to feel in control.


I haven't talked about my monthly membership all that much because it wasn't right. The whole of it. It just felt... off.

I knew it, just kept forcing myself to "stick with it".

This is a common pattern for me. In business. With my mentors. With love relationships.

Try and make it work... even when my soul is telling me it no longer can.

And so I kept trying to sit with it.

I knew what I desired.

I knew what the Divine wanted to create THROUGH me.

I even knew what the problem was.

But I kept trying anyways.

Because I don't like making mistakes.

It's not that I can't apologize or know when I'm wrong.

No, I simply cannot stand making mistakes.

Because it means I'm not in control.

It means that I have to ACKNOWLEDGE the fact that, truly, I am NEVER in control.

Not really.

God is in the driver seat.

We just like to pretend that we are.

I should know. I spent the first three decades of my life PRETENDING that I could handle everything, that I didn't need Universal Guidance.

I mean, I loved God. Jesus was my homeboy and all that.

But, I wanted to be the one calling the shots.

I'm strong-willed (perhaps some might say stubborn), but even more than that... If I wasn't in control, then how could I be free?

And if you are a creative, a wild child, a soul full of magic and light and love and art, then you know that freedom is the primary driving force in our lives.

Family, yes. Love, yes. And on top of it all is the innate NEED to be free.

And I just couldn't reconcile how to be free if I wasn't the one in control of my life.

This meant that I could not receive the fullest love and support and abundance and FREEDOM that was right there, waiting for me all along.

Because to co-create life and love with the Divine IS freedom. It is bliss. It is magic.



You can't have it all when you're afraid of losing control of it all.

That's what I'm finally coming to understand.

It's one thing to hear or read something.

It's a-whole-nother thing to actually integrate it into your consciousness.

I knew I needed to give myself the freedom to make mistakes. To be imperfect (because, news flash, that whole being imperfect thing actually isn't a choice).

But I resisted it like a true champ.

Because if I let myself succumb to the vast emptiness that was lying in wait for me, the absolute and definitive darkness of uncertainty, then who would I be?

Would I be free?

Would I be fake?

Would I be trapped into something I didn't want?

Would I be... Oh God... COMMITTED to something?



How many freakin' voices can fit into one mind?

How many opinions and outdated mores can dictate one woman's life?

A lot, I can tell you.

That freedom that I have sought so desperately my whole life?

It was being blocked by the one thing I was doing to try to receive more freedom.

Following, hiring, listening, reading, and watching other people who were doing some of the things I desired to be doing.

Their voices and opinions for my life crowded out my own.

You're not charging enough. You can't do things that way. You have to start here because you can't make money or be successful doing what you want. You should follow this exact path. Listen to your soul of course, but do it by following this path.

And, I was stuck in a miasma of shoulds and should nots and beliefs and paths that were not my own.

I've had some absolutely incredible mentors and some not-so-incredible.

And, please note, this is NOT about any of them.

This is about me.

And, I suspect, this is about you too.

Because it's not about shutting everyone else out. But it IS about allowing your soul in.

It is about you being able to discern your voice from everyone else's.

It is about you deciding to give God permission to slide into the driver's seat and TRUST the Divine path for your life.

Yes, you want it all now and you want it all to be made so clear that every step you take is perfect.

I know, I know. That sounds so amazing.

And yet, it really wouldn't be.

Where is the mystery?

Where is the magic?

Where is the surrender to something greater than you can even comprehend right now?

Where is the space for you to become even more extraordinary than you have ever dared dream?

That is what lies in co-creation with the Divine.

That is what awaits us when we say yes to our soul and no to the crap we've been force fed since our time in the womb.



I started my monthly membership (it's called Illuminate: A Sultry Soul Sanctuary, BTW) with the belief that I had to charge more and overgive. Yes, that's a new term for those of us who tend to believe that we have to just keep giving and giving and giving in order for our programs and courses and events to be of value.

But it's not giving from a place of love, although we have convinced ourselves that that's the case.

It is giving from a place of fear.

Because that overgiving is simply a manifestation of our need to be perfect and to be seen as good and right and just and a leader and WORTHY.

But here's the thing...

It's a way of shutting out the Divine and blocking our own abundance and freedom.

Counter-intuitive in the most meaningful way.

And so, I started Illuminate and included monthly calls and unlimited messaging support with me and a price point that would make it feel good all around.

Except... it didn't.

Not for me.

Because it wasn't what I was being called to create. It was what I thought I HAD to create to make it work.

I won't bore you with all the details, but suffice to say that I completely transformed my program.

Yup, after it started.

Now, you might be saying something like "holy crap, you can't do that, everyone will think you're a fraud or don't know what you're doing or that you're unprofessional...". I get it. Really, I do.

And it is that same thinking that kept me stuck in my program and not sharing it from a space of love and excitement.

Until I started listening to my soul guidance.

Until I got out of my own way and let the Universe move through me.

Illuminate is now so much MORE.

More aligned. More juicy. More intuitive. More luscious. More sensual. More me. More sacred.

And the investment is $55/month. Which is exactly where it SHOULD be. For this space.

I was called to create a monthly membership for the soul, not a group coaching plus membership program. And so I had to move into alignment with what was being ASKED to be created (vs my limiting beliefs about what HAD to be created).

Illuminate, at its heart, is a movement.

A platform. A sisterhood. A collective. An awakening. An evolution of desire. An invitation to intimacy. An activation space for visions. A dream incubator. A {re}wilding of womanhood.

Will the investment go up?

Yes. Maybe. Don't know. Doesn't matter.

What matters is that it is exactly what I envisioned and is becoming more magical by the day.

It is full of intention and love and alignment.

There are no more private, 1:1 calls (except for the beautiful souls who entered in at that delicious level!), yet there is space for so much more 1:1 attention within our group and on the monthly moon gatherings.

Because I have expanded in my capacity to hold this space.

Because I have said yes to MY soul and quieted the voices saying I needed to do it a different way.

Because I allowed myself to be seen as imperfect and to let go of the need for absolute control.



I am imperfect.

You are imperfect.

And it is in that imperfection that we are set free.


I see you. I love you. I welcome you.

If you would like to journey with me into the depths of your pleasure and the height of your soul's truth, you may learn more and join us here:

As always, Here's to your Untaming™, Nikka

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