How the End of My Marriage Became the Beginning of My Life
Soooo... I'm just writing here. Nothing fancy. I've really just felt called to share a very transitional time in my life in a way that feels pure for me. And organic. And open.
As such, I just wanted to give you a heads up.
This isn't going to be the most elegantly verbose narrative you've ever experienced. It's just raw. And real. And free.
I hope that's okay with you. If not, that's okay too.
If you want to dive in with me and my musings about my journey from divorce to embracing ME, I invite you to read on...
I have to begin with saying WOW... I met so much resistance in writing this blog! Was NOT expecting that!
I've been "writing" it for 3-4 weeks now. I just couldn't seem to put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard, if you want to get technical!). I even skipped out on a Sacred Movement class led by my dear friend last week to get it done, but "stuff" just happened to come up when I got home.
Have you ever felt that way? You just KNEW you had to work on a project or get something important done, but you were blocked. Maybe externally. Buuuuut, most likely it was internal. Oh, I know. You THOUGHT it was stuff happening around you or to you. It is very likely, however, that it was something being manifested from within. That is not to say that you are purposely causing distractions or challenges.
Rather, that you have something deep inside that is blocking your brilliance.
Maybe it's an old pattern of creating chaos at the very moment you are about to shine.
Or, perhaps it's a limiting belief that holds you captive to your old story.
Oh, you know the one.
It's a bit different for everyone, but they all include something along the lines of:
- I don't know enough to do this...
- Who am I to shine this brightly?...
- I don't want to do this because it might make other people feel badly about what they're doing...
- I'm afraid of the unknown...
- If I do this, if I succeed, what then? How do I live up the new standard?...
- She is way better at this than I am, so why should I even try?...
- I'm just so unsure of the next step & I'm stuck...
- I don't trust myself to know what to do...
Sound at all familiar? We've all doubted ourselves and our amazingness. We've all had times when we were afraid to trust our intuition. I know I have!
Annnndddd, it looks like I'm about to share the biggest, scariest, and most utterly transformational lesson I have learned thus far in my life...
It came from an ending. And that ending led to a beginning. The beginning of me stepping into my own power and learning to trust myself fully. The beginning of me learning how to fly.
But here's the thing.
I THOUGHT I already trusted myself.
I BELIEVED I had stepped into my power.
And, in some ways I had. But not fully. Not in a way that cultivated my feminine divine. Not in a way that nurtured my sensuality and allowed me to tap into pure pleasure in each moment of life. And most definitely NOT in a way that led me to follow my Inner Medicine Woman's intuitive guidance and Sacred Goddess Spirit.
I had already gone through some tough times in my life. Financial craziness (hello scarcity mentality!), my family going through incredibly painful experiences, a foreclosure (yup, thought you were the only one?), a sometimes pretty addictive personality, and more...
And I prayed. I meditated. I practiced yoga.
(Definitely not as much as I should have, but hey. That was part of my journey as well.)
Luckily, I've always been happy. It's just my setting. Even when I get knocked down (or knock myself down), I come back to being happy pretty quickly.
Let me tell you, that's been a HUGE blessing as I've been trying to navigate this last year.
But, there's a difference between being happy and being blissfully fulfilled.
And that's the lesson.
Yes, yes, I know. You thought this was going to be all about a divorce. So did I, actually. I debated about how much to say about the nitty gritty of the the whole thing. And I decided that wasn't the important stuff.
I'm lucky in the sense that my ex and I have no animosity towards each other. No hatred or hard feelings. But there was hurt at the beginning. How could there not be? It was the end of something so sacred that I felt like I lost myself.
I felt like I had failed.
Failed myself. My ex. My parents. My family. My friends. Heck, pretty much everyone I knew.
I questioned my intuition and whether it was all a mistake.
Was it? Hecks no!
It was part of my journey. Sure it ended. But, like I said, endings are not only endings.
They are also beginnings.
It is up to us to find the blessings and miracles in our situations. To learn the lesson intended. To dive even deeper into love, rather than shutting down and crumbling.
The "me" now is freer. More open. More trusting in my own divine power. In my connection to God. In my connection to all other beings on this planet.
The last year has brought me into a space of deeper love, communication, and gratitude than I've ever known. It has shaken the foundations of my entire world and called forth my Soul Purpose.
Clarity among the chaos.
This is what I wish for you, my Loves. For you to find YOUR Soul Purpose.
My desire is for you to begin living in such a way that the earth trembles with the divine power of your love and joy (Tweet Me!).
To open to yourself and all that you are capable of creating in this life.
For when we are able to come home to ourselves, the whole universe shifts. We create a new paradigm. One of love, compassion, fulfillment, and bliss.
A place where we no longer give up on ourselves or our dreams.
This is my prayer for myself. For you. For us all.
P.S. Please comment below and let me know if you've come through a huge rite of passage and how you've been able to shine!